The "Kong Luoi" Debate

This phenomena not only dominates HK social scene but seems to be just as pervasive in Malaysia and Singapore.

A few years back,  there have been a huge backlash and debate on the Internet and even mainstream media on the unacceptable attitudes of some HK girls. Girls who fit the description are called "Kong Luoi" (short for HK girls but with a derogatory sideswipe at them). Its a generalisation and not all girls will have all the attributes, but you will recognise them immediately.

"Kong Luoi" (KLs) phenomenon was started as the 63.8 incident. What started as a first date went horribly wrong when the couple went into a store, and the girl bought some stuff and it came to HK$63.80. The girl expected the guy to pay but he did not and she ended up paying HK$63.80. That was not the end of it. The girl recorded a video and uploaded it on You Tube ranting and bitching what an asshole and cheap the guy was for not offering to pay HK$63.80. Her berating video pissed a lot of guys off and started the HK guys compiling things that they find unattractive in certain HK girls.

Some of the common traits:
1) "ying fun" - girls who think that they are doing guys a favour by allowing the guys to date them, hence the guys should appreciate the opportunity, thus do not expect them to go dutch or pay for anything during the date. "ying fun" = deserved to be treated well. Did you know that the trend is for girls to never even bringing their wallets with them when they go on dates.

2) "ying koi" - girls who think that it is manners and politeness for the guys to foot everything on a date just because they are girls. Very close in meaning to "ying fun" but has an element of "should have" - i.e. guys should do those things without having the need to be even discussed.

3) "tiu tik" the girls are great critics on what the guys have, what he does not have, how he carries himself, whether he is a good conversationalist, not good looking enough if they don't like anywhere close to Andy Lau, making a summation of his prospects as a future boyfriend and provider by just looking at appearance, making a minor thing into a big character flaw, etc... thus relegating all guys as also-rans.

4) "hau but thoui sum" what she says never ties in with what she really wants. Ask her what she wants to have for dinner, she will say "Mow sor wai, see tharn le" (I don't mind, anything will do), but when you suggest Japanese, she will say too much raw stuff, you suggest Indian, she will claim its too spicy, you suggest Cantonese, she will say its too oily.. and still say "kei sart, ngor mow sor wai ke, mutt yeah thou tak" (Actually, I am quite easy, whatever is OK)... you suggests steamboat, she will say it is heaty and make her have pimples ... naturally for these kind of girls, I will tell them, "lei sick chee kei le" (Go eat yourself bitch!).

5) control - she always want to be in control of the relationship, once you move from dating to a steady relationship, one of the first question she will ask is if you would mind to give her all your pay for her to manage the finances when they get married. I think its only ok in Korea and Japan, but to even entertain such a question to me shows a complete wanting of control and to see how "far they can manipulate the guy to her liking". "Kong Luoi" justifies the line of questioning as that would allow them to see how much the guy sees them as a partnership and how much he trusts her. In my words, Bullshit Baby!!! Its a control issue.

6) KLs have a very strong penchant for branded goods and wouldn't want to be caught dead with last year's bags or shoes. They are never slim enough, even though guys keep telling them they are skinny enough. Its not enough for the guys to say so, its their fellow girlfriends that have to say that they are skinny enough, and baby, girlfriends will never ever say their fellow girlfriends are skinny enough. You are in a dead end cycle.

7) KLs are hard to court even though they do not come with great credentials. The usual 5Cs (car, cash, career, credit card, condo) as so basic that many girls would never ever consider going out with someone without at least 3Cs.

8) places too much importance on outward appearances. Ever wondered why there are so many slimming clinics in HK, and also skin whitening, tummy firming, breast firming, blemish reduction laser therapy, cellulite therapy, cosmetic plastic surgery to have double eyelids, botox... The girls will claim that a large part of why they are doing this is for the guys. Eeerrr, bullshit again, maybe so if the guy is very shallow, all these things to make up for outward inadequacies stem from a dire lack of self confidence and self belief, and that is one big character flaw in KLs. It has a lot to do with the culture and upbringing values instilled, either deliberately or unconsciously.

9) expect presents and celebrations with presents on these following days: her birthday, anniversary of the mundane kind, Christmas, Valentine's Day, some even chocolates during Easter, even New Year... and

In my view, its not just in HK but in many places as well. Its an equality issue whereby many females now can earn a good living and can dictate their own lives better. Before, girls grow up to be married off and thats that. However, with the desired equality status, in relationships, many still hang onto traditional roles of males and females. But the demands on those roles are so very different now. Everyone must come into a relationship knowing full well what each other's expectations are, if not they will never be met.

In HK, there is this quite silly phrase which sums up why girls in HK are generally very spoiled ("chung whai saei"). The phrase is "low pour hai lor farn lei sack" ( the reason to have a wife is to make sure she is well taken care of and loved). There does not seem to be much wrong with that phrase except when you think about it, its a passive thing for women, and it appears to be their divine right. My quibble is if I get married, am I marrying a loving partner or a passive piece of art for me to dust and vacuum and wipe. To take care as in taking up responsibility as a man of the house, yes, that I totally agree. Hope the nuances there is cleared up.

There is a limit to what is due care and concern by the guy, and what is absolutely reprehensible behaviour. Go to HK and you will see many guys carrying ladies purses and hand bags walking with their girlfriends on dates. I am ok, in fact I think its proper to carry the purses and hand bags if they have to go to toilets or have to go and try out some clothes when out shopping. But to have the guy carrying the stuff walking all over town, is demeaning. If a guy wants to carry a handbag, he should go and buy one himself. Its not a show of how much love and concern a guy shows the girl, its for the girl to show to everyone how much control she has of him. Why not make him wear a dress as well? Thats the crux, to the KLs, its always "if you love me, you will do it" mantra, always having to prove and reprove their affections.. "if you love me, you will buy it for me"... worse "if you love me, you will buy it for me without me having to tell you"... GAWD!!!

At the end, they morph into what I like to call "high maintenance" (HM) women. HM women are not just those who require a certain monetary sum to maintain their lifestyle. To me, HM women are HM because of how their minds torture you and in turn torture themselves. I will give you a classic HM woman, the wife will ask the husband just before they go to sleep "why did you give your 2nd uncle 3 boxes of mooncakes, but you gave my brother only 2 boxes"... that my friend, is HM!!!


p/s photos: Mandy Lieu & Elanne Kong